But what if…?

I should be used to this by now but this morning I woke full of dread. Scared about today’s 4th round of treatment and worried what will happen if it’s not working for me.

I know it makes no sense but common sense has never been around when anxiety strikes. I’ve had to try quite a few coping techniques that I’ve not used for a while. Today I used the “what if” technique.

This is where you take the subject of your anxiety and worry and assume it’s true and ask yourself what will happen if you’re right. That will take you down a path to a conclusion. Then you ask what if again. And you keep challenging yourself at every conclusion.

The aim is that eventually you get to a point and say “what if” and the answer is “nothing bad“

Winston Churchill called his depression his “black dog” as a way of giving it a physical manifestation and allowing him to control it rather than allowing it to control him. But even he had days where it got too much so that he couldn’t even get out of bed.

I have to remind myself that I’m not the only one dealing with anxiety and depression and that when you throw cancer into the mix it’s ok to have down days.