Awake before the alarm today, 6:50. Stomach churning about the biopsy. I don’t know what I need to take and start a small panic. Katie is there to bring me down.
Chest pain when breathing seems to be getting worse so I take more codeine and paracetamol.
We’re leaving at 7.30am
As I step out the front door I take a few seconds to appreciate the beautiful morning. It’s chilly but sunny. Autumn is coming.
We park at the hospital and start a long slow walk to the Pre Op Department (POD). I notice I’m getting hot, the masks we have to wear now are stifling and causing me to breathe harder. It also seems like the doorways and signs are getting lower as we walk through the hospital.
Arrive at the Pod at 7.55, they look concerned as I’m breathing so hard and sweating.
Another check in procedure, another cannula. I warn the nurse about me being awkward to bleed. Takes two attempts to find a vein.
The nurse is young and looks a lot like Kira, I’m briefly sad as I might not see her as a qualified nurse. It passes quickly and I scold myself for being stupid.
Dr Hughes, a radiologist, comes to see me and explains what’s happening. He says he’s very careful and has a phobia of needles. I consider his strange choice of career. He puts my mind at ease.
9am and a porter arrives for me. I’m not ready as I have to put my gown on. There goes the dignity again. I make sure to keep everyone updated this time by sending some WhatsApp messages.
As I’m wheeled through the hospital I’m struggling to stay composed, not sure why I’m so emotional today. I’m grateful to arrive in a small dimly lit room. A very happy nurse is waiting for me. Bright purple hair.
Suzanne introduces herself, checks my details are puts me at ease. These a comfortable silence until Dr Hughes comes back.
He explains again what’s happening and gets me to lie on my front while he does an initial ultrasound scan of my right kidney. He also scans my left lung where I’m getting the stabbing pains.
I try to get comfortable but I feel tears pushing and trying to fall. The voices behind me start to fade and I zone out. I can feel lots of poking and pressing.
“I’ll be back in a minute and we’ll start”
More confirmations of my name, procedures as the dr and nurse run through a checklist. Time for the local anaesthetic.
A sharp pain in my back, I can feel it moving around then it dies down. The dr waits a few moments then I feel something inside me. Not a nice feeling as I’m probed and pressed though the hole in my back.
A loud click followed by more movement. I guess a probe. It comes out and another one goes in. It doesn’t hurt but it’s a truly unpleasant feeling.
Another loud click. And we’re done apparently.
I’m helped to roll onto my back and lie there while the dr and nurse and busy.
My eyes cloud over and the tears flow freely. It’s all scary and had become too much again. The nurse comforts me and after a few minutes I get my composure back.
10.10 and I’m back at my bed in the POD. I’m here until 4pm. Bed rest until 2pm. BP and tests every 15 minutes for first few hrs as they have to watch for signs of a bleed.
I make sure to update Katie and the girls.
I’m offered a sandwich and a cup of tea. Again I have no appetite but accept. They taste amazing.
One of the specialist nurses arrives at 10.30 with a Dr to discuss pain. Ironically since the local anaesthetic my chest pain has gone and it’s not hurting at all for the first time since the weekend.
The Dr explains the nodules in the lungs are right on the lining so are being irritated when I breathe, there’s also some fluid in the bottom of the lung. He seemed happy to add oramorph to my “regimen” which can be used when needed.
She explains again I’m being discussed on Monday in the renal MDT meeting. I got her card and a Macmillan cancer book on kidney cancer.
She’s comforting in her manner and reminds me to take it one step at a time.
11.35 the regular BP tests are irritating now. Another cup of tea and some Bourbon biscuits. Now worried if I need to pee I’ve got to use a bottle. I’ll hold it in.
12.20 the book keeps calling me to pick it up. I can’t. That makes it too real. I’m tired.
1.45pm against the odds I fell asleep. Despite the general buzz around me and the now 30 minute BP checks I got some sleep.
2pm last BP check. Biopsy site looks ok apparently. They get me on my feet to check for dizziness. I still have no pain and dread it coming back.
I get dressed and notice some pain in my stomach. I’m hungry I think. I drink some squash and ask for something to eat. A two cheese sandwich goes down well with another cup of tea.
2.30pm I relent and start to read the book. Lots of daunting terms and pictures and I have to put it down after getting about 1/3 of the way through as I can fell my pulse racing and terror forming. I need to read this in private.
2.45pm I’m sure this clock is going backwards. Watching every minute slowly creep by.
2.50 that was a mistake. I opened the Patient Access app on my phone and looked at my medical record. Raw, factual data from medical staff not sugar coated for mere mortals is by far the scariest thing I’ve ever read. Stephen King eat your heart out.
3.05pm and Dr Hughes comes to see me, all good today, recovery is good and I can be discharged early. I tell Katie.
I meet Katie in the POD reception at about 3.25 armed with a big bag of drugs. More codeine, paracetamol, ibuprofen, oramorph as well as a laxative. 😳
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