“A bit weird.”
That’s how I feel so far this week. I wake up most mornings with a croaky or non existent voice. Ready for a good nights sleep even though I’ve just woken up. But also creeping in this week is worry. I wake up then start to worry about the treatment. Is it working?
I’m hyper vigilant over niggles, pains or anything different in my body so assume anything unusual means the treatment can’t be working. I’ve been getting small amounts of chest pain first thing so that must mean it’s not working. It couldn’t be anything else!
I had my bloods taken yesterday as usual for treatment week and this was the first jab that really hurt and gave me a small haematoma on the back of my hand. A sure sign the treatment isn’t working! Despite the fact it had gone after a few hours I’m looking any anything and seeing it as a sign.
The truth is that it is still going to be six weeks before we find out whether immunotherapy has been successful and I think this worry could get out of control if I don’t check it and acknowledge it now. the last thing I want is to have this as all I think about, especially over Christmas and New Year.
It’s a viscous circle. I can’t do much because of the fatigue and the mind has time to rest and wander. This is when the worry peeps over the wall. I need to keep busy to keep my mind busy and stop it wandering. I still haven’t found that balance yet.
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