T-3 days, and I’m terrified

7am on Friday is when I need to arrive at hospital for my kidney removal (Radical Nephrectomy). I have a covid test at 4.10 this afternoon and from then on I have to completely isolate.

There’ll be another test first thing Friday and only of that’s also clear will the operation go ahead.

I had to abandon a scheduled lunch out at the last minute yesterday as it occurred to me that it probably wasn’t sensible to go and sit in a crowded cafe for over an hour. I’m paranoid something will happen to stop the operation.

I’m also worried to the point of constant nausea about the operation itself. I should be blasé as I’ve had lots of operations, including two keyhole surgeries. So I know roughly what to expect.

I’m also being seen by the best Renal Surgeon in the South of England, who’s done literally 1000’s of these.

So I shouldn’t be scared…but I am. I’ve convinced myself something will happen “on the table”. I have so many risk factors counting against me that I believed something is likely to go wrong. Maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of ER or Greys Anatomy.

It probably didn’t help that I actually watched an operation the same as mine on YouTube a few days ago. Morbidly fascinating, I wanted to stop, but couldn’t.

I’ve taken these next few days off work, as there’s no way I could concentrate on anything important. A few hours on the motorbike today helped but I’m now clock watching until I have to leave for my test later.

Comments

8 responses to “T-3 days, and I’m terrified”

  1. duchydoodar avatar
    duchydoodar

    You will be ok Steve, even with risk factors percentage wise you gonna be just fine. Its perfectly normal to feel like you are and I would be worried if you didnt feel some if not all you currently are. Do try and counter those thoughts, remember only you can control them. Try and find some meditation or relaxation that works for you in the meantime. Our family are renowned for this reaction to hospital procedures as well. Wish was more I could do. I am here if you need me 💜

  2. Fiona avatar
    Fiona

    Good luck Steve, I look forward to reading your blog again after the op x

  3. Mum avatar
    Mum

    Aww we totally understand what you are feeling Please try and relax else you be a quivering jellyAm sure you will be in the best hands and wonder why you were so worried when it gets to Friday evening and it will all be over With you wondering why you were so nervous but GOOD LUCK STEVE we will see you soon when you are up to a visit from the Davis horde xxxx

  4. Mum avatar
    Mum

    Aww we totally understand what you are feeling Please try and relax else you be a quivering jellyAm sure you will be in the best hands and wonder why you were so worried when it gets to Friday evening and it will all be over With you wondering why you were so nervous but GOOD LUCK STEVE we will see you soon when you are up to a visit from the Davis horde xxxx

  5. Alex avatar
    Alex

    Thoughts with you for this one fella

  6. Alex avatar
    Alex

    Thoughts with you for this one fella

  7. asimpledudeblogs avatar
    asimpledudeblogs

    Best of luck and wishing you a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹

  8. asimpledudeblogs avatar
    asimpledudeblogs

    Best of luck and wishing you a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹

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