I contacted the oncology team today about the chest pain and they wanted me to go to a&e to get checked out. “Better safe than sorry”
So at 10:15 I went voluntarily into A&E. I was seen very quickly and the waiting room was empty when I arrived. Hooked to an ECG within 10 minutes and the staff took my “vulnerable” state very seriously.
Within 20 minutes I was in the minor area and in a cubicle having another ECG with the promise of one more to come.
I mentioned how quiet it seemed and the staff gave a nervous laugh. A&e minors is quiet but the rest of the hospital was very different. All departments and wards were at capacity.
The doctor I saw was worried about a possible lung clot so organised blood tests and a chest x ray and she was going to see if she could get the results of my CT scan from last week. This was about 11:30.
All tests were completed by 12pm but I got the impression I was in for a long wait for results. By this time the pain had actually gone, completely. I was lying on a slightly elevated bed and something about the position had helped.
The doctor kept checking in and apologising about delays but couldn’t give me any ideas on time. Unfortunately with no pain to focus on my mind started wondering and worrying. What were they going to find, how long would I be here, is this another overnight stay.
I was also acutely aware of helicopter noises at least 2 or 3 times from outside and got very nervous about being in hospital. You hear of people catching covid in hospitals more and more these days and for the first time ever I felt scared and vulnerable.
I told the doctor at about 1.30pm that the pain had gone and I wanted to go home but she still wanted to rule out a clot. She was waiting for the CT results and if they were inconclusive she wanted to do another chest specific CT scan. This was just more delays in my mind but I understood.
The next hour was a mental battle with my anxiety levels rocketing. I wanted to get out of the hospital and go home. For my mental well being the hospital was no longer a place I wanted to be.
I first mentioned discharging myself at about 2.30pm and my doctor was nowhere to me seen. I was so anxious, and alone. I had no pain, I was blocking a room and I could hear it had got a lot busier outside with staff struggling to find space for new patients. I felt like I should not be there anymore.
To her credit the doctor completely understood my predicament but did strongly reiterate that a missed blot clot could be fatal. If I was still in pain there would be no question, I’d stay as long as needed but with no pain, chest x ray and blood tests clear I just wanted to go home.
At 3.20pm she came to me with a handwritten “discharge” note for me to sign stating I was aware of the consequences by choosing to leave. She made me promise to come back at the slightest sign of symptoms again. I was almost in tears signing that form at the relief to go home.
It feels silly now thinking about how worked up I got in such a short space of time but when you’re just waiting with nothing to do the mind is a powerful weapon.
Since I got home I discovered I can bring the pain/ache back by lying flat on my back or on my left slightly. Turn to the right and it goes away completely. I now think I’ve pulled a muscle in my chest by over doing things over the weekend and lifting something awkwardly.
I’m confident my pain today is not serious as I’ve had a chest X-ray and blood tests that haven’t shown anything and getting checked out was the right thing to do but in hindsight I’d think twice before going back into a&e in a pandemic where hospitals are swamped.
I’d think more carefully about everything that’s happened over previous days rather than just “I have a new pain, panic.”
