The waiting game starts

After a night in my own bed with lots of emotions, trips to dark places, Katie and I have a good talk. We talk openly about things we’d both been thinking of. I could die. What’s going to happen financially for her and the girls. I never knew we could cry so much.

Should we tell Rhian yet (she’s on a weekend away with a friend and back in a day, we decide not to and to let her enjoy her break)

Kira knows and we’ve said we’ll be honest with her at every step.

The problem we have is we’re not sure what happens next. We’ve been overwhelmed with information but it’s just a jumble of information.

Then I get a call from one of the renal specialist nurses from Frimley Park hospital who takes control. I’m having a biopsy on Thursday (today is Tuesday) and from there there’s a 7-10 day wait for results. However as they are certain from the presentation that it’s cancer they are also pre-emptively referring me to a consultant at St Lukes Cancer centre in Guildford. The hope is that I’ll get the referral appointment at the same time the results come in.

I have to have another covid swab before the biopsy but that’s it and that’s all been arranged for me as well.

I’m amazed things are happening so quickly, everything so far has been on the NHS and has been faultless. I’ve confirmed I have full cancer treatment cover on Bupa and can swap back and forth as needed but right now there’s no need.

I have another open conversation with the HR manager at work and am comforted at the sickness cover and death in service cover that means we won’t be impacted financially.

I also start to make a list of things I have to do, top if the list is write a will.

I think this is the start of acceptance.